


Night Terrors

by Mertiya



Category: Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Missing Scene, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleepy Cuddles, Young Avengers and Runaways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 20:31:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10624614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mertiya/pseuds/Mertiya
Summary: After watching the Warden torture Teddy, Billy struggles to get through the night.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for relatively strong self-destructive urges and dark thoughts (oh, Billy, I love you and I'm so sorry.) Also just as an aside, this fic is mainly my attempt to poke my toe into writing these two; nothing very plot-heavy, just me trying to get a handle on their characterization after I fell headfirst into the fandom earlier this week.

            The pain in Billy’s ears helped. When they’d gotten back to the safety of Cap’s underground base, Teddy had helped him put antiseptic on the perforations, and Billy had made a crack about hey, at least he didn’t have to shell out money to get his ears pierced now. But it was hard to focus. **_Iwanttobeallright_** , he tried to mumble, but he didn’t want to say it when Teddy might hear and get the idea into his head that maybe Billy wasn’t all right. Then he’d worry, and Teddy seriously did not deserve to be worrying right now. Not after what he’d been through.

            But the pain helped. It focused him on being here, on being awake. If he was awake, he couldn’t be dreaming. He couldn’t be back _then_.

            Teddy was asleep; he needed to recharge from the healing his body had had to do. No, no, no, Billy wasn’t going to think about that. If he thought about that, he would think of what had lead up to the healing, about the knives and the blood and—

            He shook his head again and took another swig of coke. There was a game system set up in the rec room, with a 360 and a couple of different games. Billy spared a moment to be thankful to whoever had thought of that as he mindlessly stared at the screen, trying to focus on Gauntlet and not on any other thoughts that might try to creep into his head. _I’m awake_ , he told himself sternly. _Maybe I can spell myself not to need sleep_.

            Not for now. He didn’t want to use his powers now. It was easier if he didn’t, if he didn’t have to worry about his throat vibrating uselessly, the sound of his own voice blocked from his ears, while the sound of the knife parting flesh was horribly loud—

            “Red Wizard needs food badly,” Billy said out loud. Then, again, “Red Wizard needs food badly.” He took another drink from his coke. His head was buzzing slightly.

            Maybe he did need something to eat. He’d meant to eat something once he’d gotten Teddy to bed. Or—no—maybe Teddy had something about eating after he woke up. That would explain why Billy hadn’t gotten himself anything. It seemed logical, but he couldn’t remember having the conversation. That could mean he’d fallen asleep, that he was dreaming. But then he wouldn’t think he was dreaming, would he?

            Staring down, Billy deliberately drove the nail of his right index finger into the palm of his left hand and held it there until he was as certain as he could be that the stinging pain was not a dream, that there was nothing else he could do that would cause him to wake up. When he stopped, there was a dark half-moon curve indent in the upward swoop of his palm. And—oh _shit_.

            Because the dark line—that was like the dark purple lines crisscrossing Teddy’s chest, Teddy’s abdomen. The lines that opened with the knife and closed behind it. It was like—Billy pressed his hands to his face. _Stop,_ he willed himself. _Teddy’s safe. Teddy’s safe. Teddy’s safe._

            No thanks to him. No thanks to his useless powers. _I failed him_. Billy drew his knees into his chest, tears welling up in his eyes. He wanted to pound his head into the wall until the thoughts stopped coming, wanted to claw his way out of his own skin, wanted— _Shut up_ , he told himself. _You’re so selfish. Useless and selfish._

Had _he_ been tortured for hours? Strapped to a slab and vivisected? No. He’d just watched, uselessly, as that exact thing happened to his boyfriend. To the boy he loved most in the world. Billy grasped at his ears and pinched, hard, the stinging pain jolting through him no more than he knew that he fucking _deserved._

            _I want you to die_. Those were the words that had come out of his mouth. _I want you to_ die. If he’d been able to hear his voice, the man would have melted, dissolved into a puddle of bones and fluid and cells that couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. And—Billy thought—he’d have been glad. He shouldn’t be thinking this way, he knew he shouldn’t. But it was so hard to stop. He was trembling and the image on the TV screen had blurred into a kind of mangled blotch of bright, incomprehensible colors, and edging at the corner of his vision was the sight of Teddy, strapped to the slab, opened up like a fish and bleeding so horribly red.

            What if when he went to sleep, he dreamed about it? What if somehow his powers undid their rescue, undid everything that had happened? What if he woke up to Teddy’s broken body— _Stop it_ , he told himself. _You’re being stupid._ In lieu of a fist, he put the top of the coke bottle into his mouth and tried to focus on the video game some more.

            “Billy? What are you doing out here?”

            He dropped the controller and the coke bottle at the same time. Both of them bounced across the floor; he managed to grab the coke before too much of it could spill out. “Um, Teddy, um,” he said frantically. “Why aren’t you in bed?”

            His boyfriend was wearing an expression of profound sleepiness as well as a pair of green striped pajamas Billy had helped him put on when they got back. “I mean, same question,” Teddy replied slowly. He was rubbing one hand nervously across his wrist. After a minute, he sat down heavily on the couch behind Billy. “I woke up, and you weren’t there, and that—wasn’t so great, actually,” he said.

            “Oh god, I’m sorry.” Billy set the coke bottle down again and slid up onto the couch beside Teddy. “I just—my head was weird, and you seemed so tired—I didn’t think you’d wake up. What do you need?”

            Mutely, Teddy put his arms around Billy, resting his chin on Billy’s head. “I just need you,” he said softly. “Fuck. I just need to know that you’re all right.”

            “Um.” Billy reached for Teddy’s arm and tried to squeeze it reassuringly. “Me? Of course I’m all right. Why wouldn’t I be all right?”

            “You don’t seem all right.” Billy realized that his other hand was rubbing over Teddy’s abdomen, over and over again in a ceaseless rhythm, and he stopped himself.

            “I—” Tears rose behind his eyes again. “I’m fine, Teddy, you’re the one who—”

            And then Teddy was kissing him fiercely, one hand resting on his cheek, the other clutching desperately at his back. Billy’s eyes slid shut of their own accord, and now he could pretend that the motions of his hands across Teddy’s bare skin were something lustful instead of a desperate bid for reassurance. When Teddy broke the kiss and sat back, Billy tried hard to control his trembling, but it wasn’t as easy as he thought it should be.

            “Y-You’re safe,” he muttered, trying to trace Teddy’s back with reassuring caresses, but his hand kept twitching.

            “I dreamed _you_ weren’t.” Teddy sighed and shut his eyes, resting his forehead against Billy’s. “I dreamed—I dreamed he got tired of trying it on someone who wasn’t responding, on someone who could just _shift_ —I dreamed he—I dreamed—oh, god, _Billy_.” Teddy was breathing hard. “I dreamed you were screaming. I dreamed I couldn’t stop him.”

            “I’m okay,” Billy said, haltingly, because this—wasn’t what he’d been steeling himself to reassure Teddy about. “Um, I’m fine. I just, y’know, I have these sweet new piercings now?”

            “Can you come to bed?” Teddy murmured the request into the base of Billy’s hair.

            “O-Of course.” But Billy knew he’d taken almost a minute to respond. Too long. What a fucking shitty boyfriend he was. He could sit awake in the bed, after all.

            “Billy, if there’s something else wrong—”

            “I couldn’t _do_ anything,” Billy blurted before he could stop himself. “I—I tried. I couldn’t stop him, I had to watch—you _dreamed_ it, I _lived_ it, and I—I know it’s nothing like what you went through, I—I’m so sorry—I know you don’t need this right now, I’ll—I’ll shut up, I’ll—” He frantically swiped his hand across his eyes.

            Teddy was repeating his name, over and over again, but it was hard to hear him through the buzzing in his ears. The buzzing in his head. The overwhelming need for _sleep_ coupled with the overwhelming fear of what would happen if he gave into the need. His cheeks were wet, his breath coming too fast, and he needed to stop this, to _stop_ this, but the more he told himself to calm down, the faster the world seemed to be spinning away from him.

            Finally, he gave up, burying his head in Teddy’s chest and crying, sobbing so hard he started to hiccup. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” he gasped. “’M so…”

            “Billy, shut up,” Teddy said, not unkindly, but Billy couldn’t. The words continued to tumble out of his mouth, stretching and warping and becoming nonsensical. Teddy just held him then, stroked his hair, ran his hands over Billy’s shoulders and down his waist. “Billy—” he said haltingly. “Can—do you mind—” His lips traced gently down the line of Billy’s jaw, and Billy nodded furiously.

            “God, yes—touch me,” he said, because that heat—those touches—they told him Teddy was _here_ , he was _safe_ , even if Billy had failed him. “All I wanted was to keep you safe,” he whispered fiercely, as Teddy tightened his arms and started kissing him everywhere—throat to shoulder, down the arms, tips of his fingers—sliding Billy’s shirt up, he kissed across Billy’s chest, and Billy made a confused, breathless noise. Down his sides, and now Billy was actually squirming, and even laughing a little. “Stop,” he begged. “Teddy, you know I’m ticklish, you know—”

            “I wanted to keep you safe, too,” Teddy said, pulling back with a line furrowing its way down his forehead. “God, Billy, you’re allowed to be a mess after that. Jesus.”

            “But I wasn’t—you were—”

            Very lightly, Teddy brushed the top of Billy’s ears with his fingers. “Torture’s not just about physical pain, you know,” he said. “And I’m used to pain, thanks to the shifting, and I was unconscious for a lot of it.” He winced and ran a hand through his hair. “Not that—uh—not that I _ever_ want to go through that again, but—just because it was bad for me doesn’t mean it wasn’t bad for you.”

            “I couldn’t stop him,” Billy said wearily. “I just—I tried and tried—like a nightmare, but I couldn’t wake up, and I guess—I’m afraid if I go to sleep—”

            Teddy nodded. “Yeah. I—yeah.” He kissed Billy again, and this time Billy huddled into him, exhausted, barely able to move anymore. “Me, too,” Teddy said in a small voice.

            “You’ll never feel better if you don’t sleep,” Billy mumbled into his shoulder, and Teddy punched him lightly.

            “Right back at you.”

            “Can’t you just let me be a sulky self-destructive mess?” Billy whined, almost managing to crack a joke, though the full-body shudder that followed derailed it a bit. Teddy shuddered against him right back, clutching him tight and pressing his face into Billy’s hair.

            “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I did that?”

            “A slightly less-than-perfect one?”

            “You’re the perfect one.”

            “I left you alone—”

            “—because you were trying not to freak me out by freaking out. You’re stupid, not imperfect.”

            Billy rolled his eyes, but his world finally seemed to be stabilizing. He was still trembling and exhausted, but the deep sense that his world was about to break apart was finally starting to fade. “So,” he mumbled. “You wanna help me pick out earrings tomorrow?”

            “Holy _shit_ , Billy.”

            “Hey, it’s like the best excuse ever. Sorry, Mom, sorry, Dad, I was tortured by an evil maniac while trying to warp reality to save my shapeshifting boyfriend, and I figured piercings looked better than scars.” Saying it still sent another shiver through him, and he reached desperately for Teddy’s hand, twining their fingers together. He was there. He was okay. He wasn’t going anywhere. It finally seemed to be filtering through to his stupid brain. “Sorry,” he muttered.

            “Oh my god, Billy. Shut _up_ , or I’ll tickle you again.”

            He managed to smile at that, curling further into Teddy, then leaned up and brushed his lips over the side of Teddy’s jaw. “But you’re sure you’re okay now?”

            Teddy bit his lip. “I’m okay if you are.”

            “So neither of us is even remotely okay in any way?”

            “Pretty much. But we’re both, you know, not dead or maimed.”

            “Anymore.”

            “I told you, I’m fine. Your ears aren’t.”

            Billy sighed and leaned into him. “I could probably magic them better if I really wanted to. I just don’t want to try right now.”

            “You’d look cute with an earring.” Teddy changed position at his side, drawing his legs up onto the couch. “Hey, lie down in front of me. There’s no way I’m going to be able to stay awake, but maybe if we’re not in bed…you can keep playing Gauntlet if you want.”

            “I think I’ll just put on a dumb cartoon. Otherwise I’ll just drop the controller again. Hang on a sec.”

            “Don’t go,” Teddy moaned as Billy levered himself off the couch, his fingers snagging in the top of Billy’s belt.

            “I’m literally just getting—” Billy stared at the little cluster of DVDs on the bookshelf by the TV. “Okay, not _Secret of Nimh_ , that’s probably asking for trouble. How about _Galaxy Quest_?”

            “By Grabthar’s hammer, just get your ass back onto the couch.” Teddy’s arms stretched like rubber rather than just letting go as Billy crossed the room, grabbed the DVD, shoved it into the Xbox, and came back. “Much better,” Teddy said in satisfaction as Billy collapsed back into his arms again as the movie started to play.

            “I’m kind of wriggly to make a good stuffed animal,” Billy pointed out with a heavy yawn. Teddy’s warm breath on the back of his neck was all kinds of good.

            “Mmmmrrr, best kind,” mumbled Teddy. He shifted slightly, pulling Billy back against him. “Just don’t go anywhere this time, ’kay?”

            “Not going anywhere.” Billy swallowed. The pain in his ears had faded to a dull stinging, and having Teddy at his back like this— _he’s fine_ , he told himself, and this time himself actually, tentatively, seemed to believe him. “Teddy—I love you,” he whispered, not sure if he was even loud enough to be heard.

            “Love you, too.”

            Soft press of lips into the back of his neck. Billy reached down and covered Teddy’s hands with his. This was warmth; this was safety. For both of them. Things were going to be okay.


End file.
